Where The Love At?
I know people who have spent forever chasing the love and acceptance of others when really they needed to find the love they craved so desperately within themselves. Recently I had the unfortunate experience of being slut shamed. At first, I was angry and irritated. Who are you to ask me such questions, spread your assumptions, and shame me into believing the same respectability politics someone shoved down your throat in hopes that certain parts of you would go away? I was angry until I realized this person lacked awareness and more importantly self-love. Instead of telling them to go touch grass and kiss my ass, I said the following, “I hope that one day you get to experience someone who loves and cherishes you deeply because everyone deserves to feel loved.”
I’m a private person but I will say that as an official lover girl, I have realized that in order to properly love someone, you must love yourself first. You’ve got to put in the work to build the dream you before you meet your dream person. Before I became a lover girl, I told a close friend of mine that I was going to spend some time reinventing myself. I had been at UVA for a little while and I felt myself getting into a rut. I hadn’t given myself a mani-pedi in weeks, I wasn’t consistent with my skincare routine, my sleep schedule was a mess, I stopped my hobbies, and little by little I could feel myself turning into someone I told myself I wasn’t going to be. Those next few weeks I prioritized myself and found myself loving to be me again. I was so caught up in the joys of my routine, the beauty of my friendships, and just simply being a girl that when he swooped in the first thing I said was “You better not disturb my peace.” I had cultivated my bubble of happiness, self-love, and peace that I wasn’t willing to let anyone no matter how great they seemed come in without proving themselves first.
You cannot go searching for someone else's love in hopes that it will replace your own lack of self-love. Most times, we’re much more critical of ourselves than we are of our loved ones. Why is that? I don’t know the exact reason, but what I do know is that the same love and grace we are willing to give others should be given to ourselves first. The purest form of love grows from within. Take care of yourselves.
Love,
Claire
